It's something that I'm often saying mostly for Evyn's benefit, when she's whimpering in time out or has a favorite toy taken away from her.
So when I was in a hurry to get Evyn to school and got pulled over by the police right. in front. of her school parking lot, I looked at it as an opportunity. Yeah, a DERN EXPENSIVE and EMBARRASSING opportunity.
I had a good chuckle as I took the girls to the courthouse to pay my fines.
E: "Where are we going, Mommy?"
Me: "Remember when I got pulled over for speeding and I got a ticket? Mommy made a bad choice and now I have to pay money."
E: "You were going too fast and now you have to pay money?"
Me: "Yes, Baby."
E: "Are you going too fast NOW?"
I looked down at my speedometer, and, actually, I was going a little fast. I swear, four year olds are like your conscience out loud.
Later, though, this whole ticket thing became a useful analogy. When Evyn copped a teenage-sized attitude, stomping and slamming her door and yelling something about HER room.
Fifteen solid minutes and a hammer later, said door was perched on the wall across her room. Evyn values her space and her privacy. And she was horrified to be without her door.
I reminded her that bad choices have consequences; that I wouldn't let a four year old be without them, just as I wasn't without consequences for my own behavior ("remember when Mommy had to pay money for breaking the law?").
There are days when I'm at my wit's end with her, exasperated by the fact that she's only four and has the verbal capacity of an entire debate team. Someone please tell me this will get easier. That there is something I can do to head this off at the pass. She has a bright, sparkling, witty, dramatic – beautiful – personality and I love her so much that I worry a bit that it will all be eclipsed by this dark attitude that sometimes comes from nowhere.
I'm just sure there is something I should be doing better…
Taking the door of the hinges…classic. What a great lesson! And your quote, “…exasperated by the fact that she’s only four and has the verbal capacity of an entire debate team.”…TOO FUNNY!
I have tears in my eyes from laughing! Way to go! I was thinking of so many wise comments/suggestions and Scripture verses to give you as advice for handling a girl with attitude (I have three daughters, two of whom have a monthly cycle!), and all of my thoughts were erased when I scrolled down to the photo of the door! How hysterically funny! I love your sense of humor. I should have lightened up more when our children were smaller. Thanks for the laugh!
As someone with an equally challenging 5 yr old (same plus sides–inquisitive, highly verbal, creative, etc.–but MAN, that can be a challenge when you’re trying to curb some of the negative sides without crushing the spirit as well!), I applaud your door removal choice. Way to go! I’m going to have to take a page from your book fairly soon, I think!
Love your blog. 🙂
You’re doing just fine. I know it’s hard — my creative, dramatic daughter turned 16 yesterday. Eventually the creativity comes out more and more in positive ways. Keep hanging in there and she will appreciate the boundaries you help her set.
Gotta love that itemized speeding ticket!
Too funny! I have a door-slamming four year old as well and was THIS CLOSE to taking his door off last week!
I hear that almost-5 is a nice age and that perhaps a bit of the drama will mellow. I don’t know… My little scorpio is dramatic about EVERYTHING!
It’s hard to focus on the passion in a good way, but I think the more we do, the more we bring out the best in our kids.
Good luck!
Sounds like you are right on target. I have two (13 & 15) and they both had moments of testing the limit and having a door removed (yes, that has happened at our house). Both girls are witty and the 13 yr old is very quick on the draw. I have been caught a few times with no retort. LOL It has gotten her into trouble at school a few times and we have had the ‘pick your battles’ discussion. Once she learns how to time her wit, Look out!
You know, I don’t know that it gets easier really. But I learned finally after many hits and misses to pick my battles. And a lot of stuff just didn’t matter. hang in there.
You are doing exactly the right thing… allowing Evyn to be herself. You are not trying to change her – just re-direct those tough emotions into something wonderful. And though it’s not a glamorous job it is well worth the effort.
I happen to think you are great!
Called you today 🙂
-Andrea
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job and doing all the right things now. You are starting early and nipping those attitudes in the bud – and I know it’s hard and frustrating (and we make mistakes) but God will really bless your perseverance and diligence and one day she will be thankful for your discipline too.
Some of us (as I did) just require a lot more attitude-adjustments/discipline in life than others!
Hang in there! My soon to be four year old is exactly the same. Somebody recently reminded me that as the bible says….steady plotting!! The things that really matter like character and heart take time to develop and mold.
I just laughed that you took the door off. I am so using this the next time my own daughter slams the door.
May all our daughters become girls and women after God’s heart!
Girl, you thought to take off the door! That’s fabulous and I’m sticking that one away in the memory bank for what I can only assume will be us a few years from now. Sounds to me like you need to be more gentle with yourself because you’re doing a great job. You’re okay with using your own stuff to teach your kids and that’s one of the best things you can do.
Oh my goodness — I almost spit out my drink when I read this! We did the same thing to Courntnie once; I think she was 13. Needless to say, she rarely slams her door any more. It was actually more work for me since I had to keep the little ones out of her room!
My mother always says the hardest kids to raise – the intelligent, curious, challenging kids – make the best adults. I don’t know that it will get any easier; my mother would say it was never easy raising my sister and I but it was fun. Evyn reminds me alot of my sister. And you of my mom – setting boundaries, using logical consequences and loving unconditionally throughout it. Keep doing what you’re doing (and forgive yourself the mistakes) and she’ll grow up to be one amazing adult. Trust me – I know just about what she’ll look like at 26 and its amazing.