sink or swim

I haven’t been sewing at the same breakneck speed as last year.  Somehow this round of stress, oh, I’ll just say it – depression laced with anxiety – has crippled me a bit.  I’ve tried not to let it get to me.  There are so many things to feel blessed about, I keep reminding myself.  That works sometimes.  Sometimes I try a thank you prayer for those blessings, or better yet, a prayer for someone I know in need.  That keeps my head above water.  But, inevitably, I feel myself sinking a bit.  What I’ve really learned about myself during these bouts, is that it’s okay.  It’s okay to go through it without trying to fix it too much.  I will never forget my eighth-grade teacher telling me, "Just when things feel the darkest, you have to remember, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel."  It’s true.  And so I don’t try too hard to snap out of it, because I know this, too, shall pass.  I never know when, but it always does.

Last week my best friend from high school called me with some devastating news: her mother (Mrs. H.) has lung cancer. She’s never smoked a day in her life.  I have a hard time imagining what this must be like for all of them.  They’re a sort of quiet family (well, compared to mine).  But they’re strong.  Somehow this news helped clear up my own fog a bit, as I breathed a prayer of thanks for my health and asked God to give Mrs. H. strength and peace.  I’m not sure what to do or say in such a situation, except, "I’m here and I’m thinking of you."  Which somehow seems to fall short.  I remember when my sister died, what I wanted most was for people to not run away.  So I think I’ll call.  And send cards.  And make things.  This tote was inspired by Mrs. H.  I am making two of them: one for her, and one for a blog-friend.  These fabrics are all my favorite things about spring – linen, eyelet batiste, and mossy greens.

Always so fond of wooden buttons, I dug this one out of my vintage stash:

It was nice, wanting to sew again, even if for only the day.  I haven’t made the second one yet.  Still swimming a little.  Right now every little thing is another thing to do. But, I’m starting to feel better, and am slowly and surely returning to my routine.

Miss Charlotte tagged me for the thinking blog award.  Of course I’m honored.  Somehow, I suspect this is also Miss Charlotte’s way of bringing me out of my hibernation. 😉  It’s another meme, with rules, which I always break.  So instead of five, I’ve picked three of my own favorite thinking blogs:

1. Miss Charlotte, who is wonderfully creative, writes with such wit and thought, and sends me notes to say "where are you?" when I’ve disappeared.  Because of all this, I’ll forgive her for not being Republican.
2. Karen at Sour Patch Kid Experiment, for becoming so honest on her blog, being strong despite the last 15 months’ many trials, and for her awesome care package to me in December – complete with foods from our former digs in UpUpUpstate New York and pictures of all the new places they decided to build after we left.
3. Lara at Life: The Ongoing Education, who I met through our Blog Exchange.  I’ve nominated her because I admire her ability to describe things so well, because I know she loves to be nominated for things (don’t we all?), and because she’s so willing to admit things like that.